Should I?

I should eat healthy. I should go to the gym. I should meet new people. I should focus on my career. I should stay in my well paid job. I should invest my money in an apartment. I should save all my money so I can afford investing in an apartment.

Life consists of so many shoulds. A lot of the points in the paragraph above are things I want to do, for example eating healthy and going to the gym. Saving all my money to be able to invest in an apartment is on the other hand a should I have taken a stand against. In the culture I am from, people are so obsessed with the idea of owning a home, to the point where I just feel like screaming to their face; 'why are you sacrifising so much of your present life to be able to afford a future home?' I have other priorities right now.

The shoulds that I know I want or not want are easy to handle. The problem arises when I am not able to make the decision. This undecisiveness is present in the situation concerning my career. A career is something I am sure that I want, but not at what level or in what field. My ongoing career is interesting, for now, but I am not sure if I want to do this for the rest of my life.

When I imagine how a perfect day would look like it is about having a flexible schedule so that I can have long breakfasts some days while having an afternoon off other days. I need routines at certain times, while other days I just need to do what I want.

I want to write. I want to be better at writing. I want to dance. I want to enjoy a blue sky. I want to read. I want to be inspired. I want to inspire. I want to create.

Is this way of living impossible to combine with my present career? I am grateful that my job is giving me lots of opportunities these days, but how do I know if I really want them? I 'fear' that my career starts to take off to the point that it will eat my spare time that I am these days using as time to develop myself in a more spiritual and creative sense.

I do become more and more aware of what I actually want. I know I need my sometimes very long mornings consisting of meditation, yoga, breakfast, coffee, and writing. These days I am able to combine this with my job, so I think I am good for now. The day I need to sacrifice too much I might have to reconsider my direction in life. Today I am grateful for my safe job, providing me with funds so I can be as independent as I am.

If anyone has great ideas about how to choose direction and combining work and personal development, I'd love to hear them.

M.