do less, do more

I am truly inspired by this when writing.

How often do you find yourself lacking motivation? Either you wake up in the morning or you're back from work, and you can't seem to do anything useful? You turn on the tv or you go through every webpage you know, updating Facebook every minute. I still do this (fortunately more rarely than earlier in my life) and I see friends doing this. Some friends of mine don't even see that as a problem. But still, I hear them complaining about days just passing by without them being able to do anything particular with them.

I try to not turn on the tv or update my Facebook page that often. I dance or do yoga, trying to feel my body presence through it all. I work with Red Cross to help kids with their homework. I read. I do laundry or clean up my apartment. I have tea with friends. I work 110%. I also take some extra education. I write. I drink water while looking out of the window for 30 minutes every morning, when the world is asleep. I work out several times a week.

People ask me, how do you have the time for all of this?  I say: how much time do you spend asleep or just laying on the couch, especially on your days off? How often do you watch tv? How often are you updating webpages to see if there is anything new? I mean, I still have times when I go back to these habits. And yes, I do think that a lot of it comes from habits, which luckily, can be changed.

I don't want my life to pass in just one big blur.

The article I started out with stated that one way of gaining motivation is to do less everyday. I agree if doing less means doing less of things that don't motivate you or benefit in other ways in your life. I did a lot and then I did less. Now I do more, because I have figured out excactly the things that gives me, and the people around me, a more meaningful life.

M.

is it worth it?

This weekend has been very relaxing, spending my time at a friend's house in the mountains going cross-country skiing and reading a lot. Still I've had this unsettling feeling in my stomach and the closer I get to Monday, the stronger this feeling becomes.

It is work. I have a huge load of work waiting for me this week, consisting of tasks I'm not even sure how to solve.

So, I do my morning ritual. But today is not a good day. Still,  it makes it all clearer what is important to me, that it is maybe not worth it. Not unless I change my attitude towards it all.

I feel this is the oh-so very common problem in today's society.

What can I do? I can remind myself what is important to me. I can also try to stay present, and this one I think is important. If I am able to stay present I can spend my time off work relaxing and focusing on other things, while I spend my time at the office beeing efficient and doing my best. It sounds so easy, but as my weekend shows, it is not.

When it comes to personal growth, I feel there are always more ways to grow. This stress is one important aspect I need to make some changes around. Still I feel lucky. I'm young and I think being so aware of things at my age, will be a huge advantage for the rest of my life. I am in the beginning of my career [and life] and I am still in the middle of developing the path I want to take.

M.

presence, now

I am always in the future. In my mind. It is a everyday struggle, to figure out how to not dream about the future all the time. I'm slowly getting better, as I can see what a waste of time it is always missing the presence.

This especially happens when it comes to love. I dream about a perfect partner that will make everything so good. It is pretty ironic, as I think this way of thinking has damaged some of my earlier relationships. 

The only one that really can make my life good, is myself. In the end, that is where I need to find my happiness and peace.

M.

w:rite

Just one sentence every day. Just one. Even though how bad you feel they are. Just keep writing. One day the words might make sense.

M.

channel the energy

Today I discovered perhaps the most important thing that I have learned during my recent personal growth. This new learning has really made an impact on what earlier would be some very tough situations. I have figured out how to channel the negative energy that comes through feelings as disappointment, jealousy [mostly rooted in being betrayed by a close one], frustration, sorrow and so on, into more positive energy. I exploit this energy and channel it into things as yoga, weightlifting and creative exploration [as writing].

The feeling when I realized this new ability of mine, was indescribable. It is a very healthy change. And yes, I always have the potential repression of feelings in the back of my mind, this is not the situtation here.

I am happy despite other people actions. My happiness is not that dependent on other people anymore. That gives me freedom.

M.

coffee

I keep struggling if I should drink
coffee, and I think of the negative versus the positive effects.

You have the fact that it makes me happy and more awake, combined with the social aspect and the fact that I really really enjoy it. Then you have the facts that it is some sort of drug and that I am addicted, which probably explains a lot of the positive effects I'm experiencing. 

What weighs the most?
Life is short. Should I enjoy coffee or enjoy life more natural? What is natural?

M.

when reading

Sometimes when reading a really good
book, I cannot make myself continue reading it.
The feelings are so strong. It is like there is
no hope in the world at the same time that everything feels possible.

M.